Precision - Feedback

[Ced23Ric]

Very compelling story. I like how you integrated the C6 principle with your story, very neat idea. I always feel like we are a smart bunch, sitting there, giggling. "U C WUT I DID THAR?" - "O I C WUT U DID THAR!" Love it. Now, the usual request: More, please. I would like to see where this goes. Also, the use of a 'Frame vs. soft targets, very assymetrical and intriguing to read about. Nevertheless - I guess it's hard to hide a ~4.5m / 15ft Mecha.

[Dukayn]

Haven't read this in full, but yay for fluff which means I can point to it when I field C6 frames in my Free Colonies squad and say "It was his idea!"

[Joshua A.C. Newman]

Fantastic! It's really satisfying that you get the aesthetic.

[The Trilobite]

Ced23Ric: Merci. I seriously dig on Mr. Bauer's C6 idea, and wanted to do something incorporating it. This was the result. It's not really meant to be clever, but I do hope it rewards careful reading or provides a smile with those who caught it and some of the other things I put in, so I'm glad U C WUT I DID THR.

Dukayn: Check ye out the C6 Sytem by Micah J. Bauer, if you're not already familiar with it. It is pretty much the rock.

Mr. Newman: High praise indeed! My sincere thanks. If I understood anything, it was less to do with my small brain and poor writing skills than a clearly communicated vibe.

Everyone: I eat constructive criticism for fuel. If you find something you think works especially well--or even more importantly doesn't work--feel free to PM me or drop a quick note here. Cheers!

[mjbauer]

I finally got around to reading this in its entirety and it's great. I typically avoid fan fiction but I'm glad I made an exception for this because I really enjoyed it.

I like the back-story that you created about the C6 system, I think it works really well for it. It was just cool to see my stuff in action, I'm glad you liked it enough to use it.

Now (like Ced23Ric) I just want to know what happens next.

- Micah

[The Trilobite]

Wow! You're too kind, senor. I dig the what you've done with the C6 system and I'm glad you feel like this shows the idea in a positive light.

Like you, I avoid fan fiction like a diseased corpse, so I'm doubly grateful for you taking the time to check this out.

Guess I'd better get to work on...well, not necessarily a sequel, but maybe another vignette.

[Ced23Ric]

"He who doesn't read but writes, is just as the man who harvests but never eats."
- Completely made-up Chinese proverb.

Just sayin', Trilly.

[randolph]

"He who doesn't read but writes, is just as the man who harvests but never eats."
- Completely made-up Chinese proverb.

穫 看
不 不
吃 寫
?

[Ced23Ric]

My words exactly.

[randolph]

Just finished reading. That was exceptional, Trilobite! Like the others, I can't wait to find out what happens next!

I found some possible typos:

When she was done, these would be added to the camouflage netting that covered Precision, her C6 AMP, Precision, was a C51, the scout/sniper variant of the C6.

Maybe "... that covered Precision, her C51, the scout/sniper variant..." Then again, I'm not entirely sure whether you're referring to C6 AMP and C51 as different things.

She looked up at V-COG, a dark speck moving below the thin clouds, then out at camp, where over a dozen freeframers and their mobile frames were parked.

"... at the V-COG," since it's a designation, not a specific individual?

While performing a systems check Josephine had taken a series of stills of various locations worked out their density.

"... locations and worked out..."

There was no motion and no heat signatures in any of the huts.

Verb agreement issue, maybe "There were no signs of motion and no heat signatures..." or "Precision's sensors detected no motion or heat signatures..."

She spoke, but and the rider attempted to wave her off.

"... but the rider..."

A moment later the woman and everyone else turned toward Josephine's position as the sound of the shot reached them and then.

Extraneous "and then."

[The Trilobite]

Sweeet. Thanks, Randolph, that's just what I needed. Will attend to those which are errors forthwith.

Ced, you accusin' me of sumthin', son? Or just creating a cool saying?

[Ced23Ric]

Ced, you accusin' me of sumthin', son? Or just creating a cool saying?

Totally accusing you.

穫 看
不 不
吃 寫

You best step up your game there, Trilly. I demand contributions all over the place. You'll receive cookies*.

* Not the kind they passed out on Verillion III, I'm not that heartless.

[mchnzr]

I really enjoyed this story. I had no idea there was a section on here for fan fiction until today! It'd be great to see more. I liked the high level of detail describing Josephine's tactics.

[The Trilobite]

Merci! That's part of her personality and I'm glad it came across. There's plenty of other good stuff here--check it out!