Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

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Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby skrob » Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:45 pm

9 out of 10 Doctors can't be wrong!

Here at Gallic Industries, we're looking out for you: the consumer. We know you want a brand you can trust when neighboring colonies are ripe for a well-timed coup.

Do you really want to trust what many patriots are calling a "very communist-like and foreign" Twanks LLC deathtrap?*
*"deathtrap" is a trademarked slogan of Gallic industries and all its solar-bound subsidiaries. Any and all other interpretations of "deathtrap" are unrecognized and refuted as so-called "slander".

No, we didn't think you would! That's why we here at Gallic Industries we've decided that you, the customer, deserve only the best* in economic warfare-solutions!
*The term "best" holds no qualitative meaning as associated with any and all Gallic Industries products and/or services.

We present you with, the Clanker!

Image Thumper d6Rd d6Rd / Armour? d6B / Flashlight d6Y / Hands, I guess d6Rh d6Rh

Does it have a gun? You bet it does!

Hands? They come standard!

And check out that slick purple paint-job and nifty flag! Your kids will love it!

Call now, and get your very own Clanker today!

Gallic Industries and all its solar-bound subsidiaries shall not be held responsible for the inevitable "hellish flames of death" that 100% will erupt in your face upon ignition of the Clanker series of products.

Warning: Clankers have been shown to be a leading cause of space-cancer
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby CmdrRook » Tue Jan 20, 2015 10:35 pm

Oh my god, reverse-size-creep is upon us. Never thought I'd see the day.

Very cute design that reminds me of the Gonk droids from Star Wars. Basically a mini-fridge with little-bitty legs. I would love to see some hand-held weapons purpose-built for these guys, keeping with the cute and fly-by-night nature of the build.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby skrob » Tue Jan 20, 2015 10:58 pm

When our customers ask for melee weapons, we here at Gallic Industries listen!

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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby CmdrRook » Tue Jan 20, 2015 11:14 pm

Too perfect. I can imagine how comical it would look to see one with a knife pestering a chub's ankle.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby skrob » Wed Jan 21, 2015 12:19 am

Of course we won't forget some of our most treasured customers, here at Gallic Industries, the pirate scum!

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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby Red_Robot » Wed Jan 21, 2015 2:14 am

I love me a good arms race.
When the Weepers first came through the gate, we didn't know why. We only knew that they were angry.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby Atavism » Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:48 pm

General Hezeraiah Twankus wrote: THERE. WILL. BE. BLOOD.


It'll be a few days before I can assemble a retort, but I wanted to say that I really got a kick out of this. I particularly liked the second model with the widdle pistol.
This is entirely the opinion of the author and in no way represents the viewpoint of Twanks LLC.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby Sovietshadow » Wed Jan 21, 2015 11:05 pm

... i do believe this is the very definition of twanky :). MUCH GONK! STRONK TWANK!
You laugh at fate, and fate will laugh right back at you.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby FrostCollar » Thu Jan 22, 2015 3:06 pm

Atavism wrote:
General Hezeraiah Twankus wrote: THERE. WILL. BE. BLOOD.


It'll be a few days before I can assemble a retort, but I wanted to say that I really got a kick out of this. I particularly liked the second model with the widdle pistol.
This is entirely the opinion of the author and in no way represents the viewpoint of Twanks LLC.

When there's competition, the consumer wins! More and better twanky goodness is a win in my book.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby mraichelson » Thu Jan 22, 2015 5:18 pm

Once Clankers and Twanks showed up on the scene our ghanats developed mange. I'm not saying it's related, but, you know. Buyer beware.
I put together frame building kits (and links to folks selling companies) at MobileFra.me.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby Atavism » Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:04 pm

mraichelson wrote:Once Clankers and Twanks showed up on the scene our ghanats developed mange. I'm not saying it's related, but, you know. Buyer beware.


Animals are often susceptible to a number of maladies not seen in otherwise healthy specimens due to the stresses of prolonged periods of panic and terror...
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby skrob » Sat Jan 24, 2015 12:34 pm

We here at Gallic Industries are proud to announce the first all-Clanker "gangster-rap" group, The Clanky Boyz! Listen to their debut single, "Damn it feels good to be a Clanksta", available now!

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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby CmdrRook » Sun Jan 25, 2015 6:11 pm

skrob wrote:We here at Gallic Industries are proud to announce the first all-Clanker "gangster-rap" group, The Clanky Boyz! Listen to their debut single, "Damn it feels good to be a Clanksta", available now!

Image


I desperately searched for a Like-button, a +1, an Upvote, a Reblog, or a Subscribe, but can' find one. Now I'm having a crisis and NASA is tracking the degrading orbit of my sides.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby Atavism » Mon Jan 26, 2015 1:22 am

Anonymous wrote:
UNSAFE, DO NOT USE
User Rating: d8Rr d6W d6W d6W d6W

I recently acquired a Gallic Industries "Clanker" to provide security for an upcoming union negotiation, and I could not be more appalled by the product I received. Even out of its shipping container it was very obvious that the frame had numerous production defects- mismatched plates, rattling joints, and one optical imput sticking out far past the other. Unfortunately, I was not able to secure a replacement and was forced to activate the unit. This was a mistake. After rumbling for some time, the torso of the frame began to bounce like a paint-shaker before one of the arms blew off entirely. We're fortunate no-one was killed!

Image

We managed to get the unlucky pilot out before he was burned alive, but whatever was burning within the chassis was impossible to extinguish without entombing the entire frame in concrete and waiting for it to slag itself from the inside.

What's worse, due to the manufacturer's failure to heed proper quarantine and decontamination procedures, the unit I purchased was infested with Neo-Prague Colon Spiders!

Image

Hopefully the fire and subsequent entombing were enough to contain the outbreak to the pilot, although now we are saddled with the expense of cordoning off the base to prevent an ecological disaster.

All attempts to contact customer service have been met with mounting evidence that it does not exist at all!

DO NOT BUY FROM GALLIC INDUSTRIES!!!

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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby gusindor » Mon Jan 26, 2015 4:53 pm

The little propoganda-war you guys have gotten into is hilarious.
Always bring a speech to a gunfight.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby skrob » Sat Jan 31, 2015 1:14 pm

Here at Gallic Industries, we don't stoop to petty slander.

We retaliate by innovate...tion.

We are proud to present the newest addition to our luxury line of state-toppling semi-autonomous war-walkers (Clankers),

The "Laredo"

Style,

Image

Function,

Image

Firepower,

Image

You've tried the rest, now try the best, in it's class.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby Atavism » Sat Jan 31, 2015 1:58 pm

It's natural to try to find "faces" in the builds, and this is all I can see:

Image

Like the hood ornament!
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby skrob » Sat Jan 31, 2015 2:23 pm

Atavism wrote:It's natural to try to find "faces" in the builds, and this is all I can see:

Image

Like the hood ornament!

HOW. DARE. YOU. SIR.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby Atavism » Sat Jan 31, 2015 2:25 pm

skrob wrote:HOW. DARE. YOU. SIR.


Merely an observation.
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Re: Do Twanks Cause Space-Cancer?

Postby CmdrRook » Sat Jan 31, 2015 3:46 pm

Does that robot... have a pompadpour?
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